Sometimes you want to help someone who’s following a person who isn’t good for them. They could be leading them down the wrong path, could be a bad influence, or are just a bad person in general. You want to help them so badly because you know that you’ll be able to put them on the right path. You may even be able to help them get a head start.
But, you’re unable to because that person is just deaf when it comes to listening to you. You could speak to them in Simlish and they would just nod and pretend as if what you’re saying is truly resonating with them. It’s frustrating, but then you’re at a crossroads. What should you do?
For me, I know that when it came to me being at that crossroad, I would pick the same path every single time. I would choose to let the blind lead the blind. Some people have to learn the hard way, and this is one of the ways. So, if you’re having trouble releasing the responsibility to be the guide, then sit down and read my words. Come on, we’ll take a little stroll.
Step 1 – understand that you’ll have to put your feelings aside for this
Does it hurt to see someone you love go down the wrong path and just hold your tongue to say nothing? Absolutely. But, is it necessary for that person’s growth and their journey? Absolutely. I know that stepping back and stepping out of the picture may seem like quitting to some, but it’s better to think of it as letting their perspective lead them to the lessons they need to learn.
For some, it may take them a short amount of time for their perspective to lead them to the lesson that switches their perspective. For others, it may take many lessons before one finally sticks, hopefully. And when they’re doing this, you just have to let them make mistake after mistake. It’s similar to someone learning who to ride a bike for the first time. They have to fall, get back up again, and dust themselves off before trying again and succeeding.
The same goes for this situation. Except for this situation, you just have to be a bystander and watch them fall over and over again until they’re able to get it by themselves. And that’s the key word right there: THEMSELVES. Once again, you have to let go of the training wheels and let them go.
Step 2 – establish boundaries
There may be a time where they ask you for help, but you know that they’re not in the right mindset to receive help. You want to help, of course, because they’re coming up to you. However, you also know that this is just for something that you may have: money, a home to crash at, etc. As I stated earlier, you have to let them go and learn OWN THEIR OWN. So, establish boundaries between you and this person. By establishing boundaries, it helps you not become an enabler to the actions that they’re doing.
It could be that, if they stay at your house, they have a limited amount of time before they have to get out. If they’re coming for you to receive help, they have to have a sound gameplan before you decide to participate in their aid. Or, it could be that you limit contact with that person so they don’t have someone that will catch them every single time without any consequences. It’s all up to you, the person, and the circumstances that the person is in.
Again, it might hurt to put a barrier between you and this person. But, I want you to know that, from experience, it’s better to give you and this person the space needed. You don’t have to feel as if this is a wall that goes sky high and can never be broken down. It can. It just has to be when the person is no longer damaging themselves, which may be damaging those who they love or whoever they’re surrounded by.
Step 3 – stay within those boundaries!
DO NOT go outside of your own boundaries! Trust me! I want this to benefit both parties, and it helps to stay within these boundaries. Now, I will say this: this step is IF they are not ready for the help that they need. They’re just asking for it because they just need to get by until they’re able to get back to what they were doing previously.
This step could also be because you’re just tired of helping and just want them to learn on their own without your help. That’s absolutely valid too! Regardless, you need to stay and reaffirm that these boundaries are here to stay. If you don’t, then they’ll just use you over and over again because, as I stated earlier, they know you’ll be the crutch. And you don’t want to be an enabler to their path of mistakes.
You still love them. You can say that you love them, you’re still there for me and you will always be there for them. But, you need them to learn on their own why the path they’re going on isn’t the best path, at least for them. And they can get mad, angry, frustrated, sad, whatever emotions, but you can’t back down just because they’re disagreeing with this boundary. If they’re getting mad at your boundaries, then I would just distance myself even more.
Luckily, I have dealt with people who understand that they need to learn on their own. Will they have a little chip on their shoulder about this? A little bit. But, did I care? Nope. Because they knew I was doing this for their own good, AND they also knew I was right (whether they wanted to admit it or not). So, stay within those boundaries girl!
Step 4 – let time heal the wounds
Allow the sands of time to trickle down the hourglass. And it might feel as if time is going slow because you might hear all the updates about the person and all of their business. I know that, for me, I would like to hear these updates. It was just nice to know that they were still communicating with other people and letting them know what was going on. Of course, though, it was sad to hear what they were doing or what situation they got themselves into.
Regardless, I could only just sit and wait until they begin to grow up a bit and learn how to make better decisions. I mean, I can’t really do anything else THAT would help them in the long run? And honestly, if you have any tips or advice that I haven’t been able to mention, I would LOVE to see them in the comments! But, you just have to let the time go by and just hope that they’ll find the right path. At the very least, they find the person at the right time to be lead down the right path.
And know that, when the time is right, they’ll figure it out. Now, whether they decide to change is a decision that’s completely their own. But, at the very least, they’ve acknowledged that a change needs to happen, which is a step at the very least. I know that we always hope for the best because you want the best for this person. So, it’s all a waiting game, but I think that it’s the best decision that can be made that’s best for your sanity and that person’s growth.
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