I’ve learned that, sometimes, you have to learn how to comfort someone. It isn’t something that comes naturally to people. I have also come to the realization that everyone’s comfort style is different. The way I wanted to be comforted was NOT the way my loved ones wanted to be comforted, and that’s okay.
When I was having trouble receiving the form of comfort I liked, I created this acronym for those who may not know how exactly to be there for the person they love. I hope that it can be there for people who are trying to communicate to their significant other, loved ones, whomever their needs when it comes to comfort.
H – Hug
I always love getting hugs from those who I love. It just feels like their love and warmth is being transferred to me. Especially when they squeeze really tight at the very end of the hug. It’s as if they’re trying to squeeze an extra amount of love from them to give to you.
If your love language is physical touch and you want to get a hug from those who love you, I would highly recommend it! There’s something so comforting about receiving a hug at the end of a hard day or moment.
A – All of the above
I know there have been times where I needed to have a whole conference for the day or moment I had. Life has its down moments, and when it does, it’s nice to get multiple forms of comfort. I like the hug because it makes me feel safe. I like the need for advice because it aids in whether my thinking process is a good process. Then, I get some DND time so I can breathe and take all of it in.
N – Need advice
Sometimes you’re at a crossroad, and you don’t know what to do. Go to someone that you absolutely trust and ask them for their advice. This can be a grandparent, parent, friend, extended family, teachers, whomever. It just has to be someone that you can confide in and know that your conversation is ONLY a two-person conversation.
Be wary though. Not all advice is good advice. When seeking advice, think about what advice you have been given and think whether this is advice that is worth applying into your situation. I have seen many times where someone takes the advice from someone whose advice wasn’t the best. And I don’t mean that this was a one time fluke and their advice was just off that specific occasion. I mean they have a 99.99% fail rate. So, just be aware of the actions that may follow suit.
You know what the advisor can say if it all goes wrong? “Well, I didn’t know that you would actually take it.”; “ Why would you follow me?” Sometimes, it comes back and haunts you. And guess what? For the most part, they get off scotch free. You’re the one that performed the action, they just gave you advice. Are they guilty? Yes. But are they going to get punished most likely? No.
Again, just make sure that this is someone who you know can give good advice. We all have had our fair share of advice moments where you found out that this person is TERRIBLE for advice and just went to someone else who you believed you can trust.
D – Do not disturb
I’m a thinker, and I like to have my personal down time to think about a situation. Why do I think this happened? What can I do to fix the situation? Is there anything I can do to fix the situation? When having this time, I’ll just tell those who are around me that I need some time alone to think about something, and they give me space.
Now, in order for this to work, you have to give this person actual space. You can ask if they want to set a timer. You can tell them that they can come to you when they’re ready to talk. Whatever it may be, don’t bombard them asking whether or not their alone time is over.
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