Everyone likes to push the boundaries a bit. They like to see how far they can push it before the boundary cannot withhold itself anymore. Toddlers do it with their parents, and we do the same in our daily lives. I wonder if I can add 5 more push ups, I wonder if I can do this and that? It’s normal to want to push the boundaries.
However, it is NOT normal to want to push people past their known limits only to satisfy selfish needs. And trust me, it can happen to anyone. Strangers, friends, family, doctors, teachers, trainers, etc. There are those who refuse to acknowledge that the boundary is meant to display a limit rather than be a challenge to see how they can break it. So, if you have encountered this, I hope that some of my advice resonates with you enough for you to use it.
Know that it’s okay to say no
Sometimes you don’t want to say no because they’re family, basically family, or you’re really close to them. Other times, you feel as if you’re being backed into a corner and there’s no escape. Well, what do you mean? Sometimes, I would extend myself past my limits because a family member asked me for a favor. When it comes to feeling as if I’m trapped, I also remember a time when I was being told that I was having a procedure being done on me that I said no to about three times.
During those times, I felt as if I couldn’t really say no because I would hurt their feelings or I was straight up being bulldozed and my opinion was put in the trash. But guess what? I realized something: who’s the person who is suffering the most from these decisions? ME! I’m wearing myself thin just to appease people, and for what?! Yes, it’s good to be nice. But, when it’s deteriorating yourself in the process, it’s not worth it.
Know that it’s okay to say no for your wellbeing. Better yet, it’s okay to say no because you just don’t feel like it at that moment. The world isn’t going to stop spinning if you say no to someone. And trust me, if they have a problem with that, that’s displaying an even bigger issue: they saw you as a doormat that finally realized they shouldn’t be a doormat.
Be firm in your stance
I’m telling you that some people are just on a powertrip. So, you say no, but now they’re asking are you sure. Well, are you sure? Is this something that you firmly want to say no to? Does your gut/intuition tell you that you should say no? Has someone advised you to say no for your wellbeing? If those questions are answered by yes, then BE FIRM!
As stupid as it sounds, some people like to see if you’ll back down. If you back down, they’ll see that you’ll easily get back in line if you step out. However, if you stay firm in your stance, they then realize that you’re okay with challenging them. On the less extreme side, you’ll just show that you just don’t want to do whatever they’re asking.
Trust me, staying true to yourself and your stance aids you both in the short- and long-term. I can think of so many times someone has messed up their life just because they stayed in line of someone else’s orders. They would get into stupid stuff and you would just look at them digging a hole for themselves that they would soon be unable to get out of.
What if they don’t like you? And?
So many movies and tv shows would have it where the main character would do something for the popular girl or the person they have a crush on. Now, in these instances, the popular girl or crush knew that the main character would do stuff for them. They would do it to fit in with the clique or to do something for their crush. And guess what would happen? For the most part, they would do it and be made fun of for obeying orders. Sometimes, they would even be brushed off as soon as they weren’t useful anymore.
They wanted to be liked so badly that they thought doing this one time would be enough to get them to like them. But guess what? If they don’t like you, they DON’T LIKE YOU. You can give them a million dollars and they could still dislike you, but hey! Now, they’re a millionaire that dislikes you. Don’t do actions that you think will get a person or people to like you. Trust me, that’s going to be temporary eyes on you.
But what if they don’t like me? Then you’ll find someone out of 8 billion people in this world who likes you. One person who dislikes you for saying no is not the end of the world. Honestly, it says more about this person being rude for someone standing up for themselves and respecting their boundaries. Trust me, they’ll find another victim that’ll obey their wishes. Just don’t let it be you.
Think about the future consequences
I remember thinking back in middle school about these choices that I thought were impertinent right now. I thought that me saying no to these things was going to alter my course permanently. I had people ask me for things, and when I said no, the course of my life did change, but for the better. I didn’t have to deal with their B.S., and instead I was allowed to enjoy my peace.
There were people who were so hard to get rid of because I would say no to them. It was a fight to release them, but once they were released, I never had to worry about them again. In fact, they would just prey on someone else who had to deal with their B.S. unfortunately. I would look at that person going through what I had gone through and I thought: What would have happened to me if I stayed and didn’t say no.
There’s people I know that are still suffering because they just refuse to say no and stand up for themselves. And to those people, I wish them the best and allow them to live their life. It makes me even more grateful that I stood up for myself. Did it sometimes feel like hell when I said no? Yes, but I would absolutely do it again. I’m proud that I had enough self-respect to know that this isn’t me and to say no.
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