What the heck is the fish hook theory? I’ve never heard that in my life! Well, it’s because it’s a theory that I have conjured up myself. And I think that this is a very valid theory! Let me explain the method to my madness.
I have seen many people be reeled in by someone who seems as if they’re interested in you. They show you such interest, seem caring, and you feel like there’s a connection growing. But then, you feel as if there’s distance that grows between you guys. When that distance is addressed, the person reels you back in and spoils you with love and the cycle repeats.
This is the theory that I’m explaining: there are people out there who will love you enough to make you stay while their attention goes to someone, or something, else. I’m not the first person to be writing or talking about this, but I know that it has to be addressed so you’re not a hook, line, and sinker.
Reeling you in
Now, this is the first step that these people usually take. They see someone and begin to show their interest in them. That can mean talking to you, exchanging information (phone numbers, socials, etc.), and then talking on the phone. This can then escalate into going out on dates and progressing even further.
They want you to feel this interest and get more involved and deeper and deeper into this engagement. That way, you might not leave when the distance starts to increase as time goes by. However, I’m getting ahead of myself. The whole point of this stage is to get you hooked and make you feel as if something is developing.
They want you to feel as if this relationship that’s developing is close to their heart and they’re taking good care of you, the relationship, and your trust. They’ll be very consistent at this stage. You won’t know things are going awry until the second stage.
Slowing adding the distance
Okay, now I have you hooked. I’ve felt the line and have pulled you in. Now, I can rest my fishing rod down for a bit knowing that I have something on the line that’s not going anywhere for a bit. This is the stage where you’ll sense a bit more distance. They’re not responding to your text messages, or just messages, as often or as fast as they did previously.
They’re also starting to become really busy and aren’t making a whole lot of time for you now. They apologize for the circumstances and tell you that they’ll make it up to you. But, when it’s time for redemption to occur, something else comes up and the redemption is delayed.
You’re kept waiting for a reason. If I know that a dog is going to sit, am I going to continuously check on that dog to see if they’re still sitting? No. I know that dog is still sitting, so I can focus on other things. It’s the same thing. I know that you’re going to stay because you’ll just think that this is a busy time period for me, but I’m just putting my focus on other things.
Now, here is the key to figure out if they’re truly busy or if you’re being given distance. I want you to ask this question: Does it feel like they’re truly making an effort to maintain this relationship? Life happens, of course! You might not respond as fast. You might be busier than you thought. However, a quick conversation and good communication can clear that up.
That’s the key. If it feels like there’s not much effort being done, then it’s your choice to figure out if this is something that you want to continuously deal with. If you know that this is a busy period and time is just being constrained, then let it pass. If you feel like you’re being played and want to gain your time back, drop it. Let it go!
I’ll use an example to further my point. Let’s say that you’re trying to hang out with one of your friends who has a really busy schedule. But, stuff keeps coming up over and over again. Vocalize your thoughts. Tell them that you’re kind of getting irritated, annoyed, upset that your plans keep on getting delayed. With some good communication, that will be resolved. A date can be set that matches both of y’all’s schedules and all is well.
Now, if they apologize and state that they’ll make it right. We can see if they’re true to their word. If they’re not, then we can move on to the next stage.
Reeling you back in to let you go again
The cycle will repeat. They’ll give you all of this attention and affection. Then, you’ll see as days, weeks, months go by, that the attention and affection slowly starts to decrease again. It’s only a matter of time that this cycle gets repeated until it just becomes a habit. Some people just accept this as part of their relationship.
Then, there are people who reject this and decide that they no longer want to waste their time waiting for a glimpse of the person. Some people pick up on this pretty quickly and just let it go just like that. There are some who eventually pick up on the patterns and finally decide that they need to put themselves first and release this person. I mean, I always like to think that if something or someone is meant to be in your life, they’ll always find a way to come back to you.
But, let’s just say for this argument that you’ve decided that enough is enough and you’re done. Well, there are two things that may happen.
The first thing that may happen is that you let this person go and you never hear from this person again. You find better people and that person becomes a distant memory and a treasured lesson that you are worth people’s time and effort.
Then, there’s the second option that can sometimes happen whenever you decide to no longer take the bait.
Come back with new bait
You’ve stopped talking to this person and they noticed. They don’t want to let you go because that means that all of their hard work is now going to waste. So, they decide that they’ll come back with new bait to make it seem as if things have changed.
They’ll start giving you all of this attention. They’ll apologize that they’ve put so many things before this connection/relationship. They want to make it up to you. They’ll say whatever they have to say in order to get you back on that hook and reel you in.
If you don’t give in, you may see a couple of things. They could continue to speak sweet nothings to you, but then eventually decide that the effort isn’t worth it and just dip. I have also seen people get angry and start to pin that person for imaginary actions.
“You made me feel like I was doing too much.”
“I wanted to give you space to grow.”
“You weren’t giving me any attention.”
I mean, there has to be something to blame. Then, again, they would just decide that chasing this relationship again is more time consuming than just starting a new one.
I wanted to write about this because, especially because of so many dating apps, this is pretty easy to do. When you’re writing online, some people see this as an opportunity to receive all the attention that they want. They can feel wanted and needed. This means leading people on. But who cares? All of these people want you!
I’ve seen it and have experienced it, and I’m just saying from my experience that it’s so nice to just let it go and not to look back. It’s just a waste of time. If someone wants to change their actions, trust me, they can and will. But, they have to, of course, be motivated to do so. And, for me, it’s not my job to motivate you to change and be a better person for me or yourself. If that’s the behavior you want to partake in, then be my guest!
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