The relationship that you want isn’t the relationship that this person wants. How do I know? Well, it’s pretty simple. I’ve never met someone who’s in a happy, committed relationship who has mentioned that their partner begged them to have sex with them, they gave in, and they lived happily ever after. Again, that’s me… But, based on the many stories I have heard, it’s nonexistent.
And the reasons for having the sex to “preserve the relationship” are always baffling to me. I’ve heard people say that if they loved them that they would do it. It would help the relationship grow and become stronger. They’re so ready to share this moment that they don’t want to wait. The list goes on, and the excuses can become crazier and crazier. Whatever the reason, it’s not a good idea to say yes to give that person satisfaction.
You may think that you HAVE to put out now. You were hesitant when they said it, so now they’re adding distance in the relationship. You don’t want to lose them (for some reason). So, you decide that doing this one little thing will make them stay, right? NO. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of it. If you have, please let me know in the comments. But, I’ll say it: sleeping with them will NOT make them stay.
Doing the deed makes them leave
In fact, it does the complete opposite. You give in to their demands and have sex with them. Guess what? They got what they wanted out of you, and now they can move on to the next person or next thing that they desire. But you may be thinking that this is the start of the relationship’s new level. It isn’t. It’s the game over screen popping up.
It may sound harsh, but it’s the truth! Whenever a guy, a girl, whoever is pressing you to do something that you’re not comfortable doing in a relationship, that’s already a red flag! Being intimate with someone should be a decision that is accepted and agreed upon by both parties. I don’t think this decision is one where compromise can be made.
You know why? Because, when you compromise your decisions to prioritize your partner’s, then that’s putting you at a deficit. And what happens if it blows up in your face? You may feel even more guilt because you decided to go against what you stand for, and now it’s come back to bite you in the butt. You need to know that standing up for what feels right to you and NOT the other person is totally okay.
Now, if they have a problem with that… then that is something that needs to be investigated. And that leads me into the next point to be made.
Your decision should be respected, not challenged
When it comes to you saying that you don’t feel comfortable, you’re not ready, you just want to say no, that should be seen as a full stop. It’s not like you’re stating a position in a debate and are trying to be convinced that your stance is wrong. If it feels like that… then that’s not good! Imagine someone telling someone else that they’re allergic to peanuts, so they can’t have their PB and J. Then, the person they’re talking to responds by saying that they don’t actually have that allergy and they should share the PB and J with them to make them feel better.
If you heard that conversation, I know that you would think that the person recommending death for that individual is insane. Well, it’s pretty much the same thing. Trying to convince someone that saying no to something they want a yes for is bad is freaking WILD. That’s some crazy manipulation to me. Read these words and comprehend them: IT’S OKAY TO SAY NO. And if you are ever in this position, I want you to ask this VERY important question: Why is it so important that they receive a yes when I’m saying no?
I mean, think about it. Why is me saying no not a full stop to this conversation? What is going on in this person’s mind that’s making them continue to pursue the idea that I might eventually say yes? These are questions that you may want to think about, because they’re not pushing for no reason. There usually is a reason, and that reason is one that they don’t want you to know: they just want to do it.
Honestly. I’ve seen many people, specifically women, fall for a guy who gave them a good couple of months. They felt heard, noticed, loved, and then they decided to challenge their own beliefs and have sex with them early. Most of the time, it’s because the guy asked. But, when they receive a no, they start to act like a child who has had their candy taken away. They get pouty, sad, and start to add distance between them and their partner.
Not wanting to lose what has been an amazing two to three months, they give in. And then… ghosted. No response. The person just bounces and is never heard from again. Please don’t fall for this. When a person is willing to lose a relationship because you’re not giving it up when they want, they’re making it seem as if you’re ruining the relationship when it’s them. Trust me!
Those who care will accept a no
When you’re saying no to having sex and they’re not accepting that, this is showing that they do not care about your boundaries. At all. When someone cares about you, your well being, just you as a person, that no WILL be a full stop, end of conversation. And that conversation will be able to be talked about whenever the person is ready. Then, the relationship continues. I know, crazy. But, some people may not understand that there are people out there who understand that you have a right to not want to have sex.
Sometimes it’s because you’re really young, you don’t have anyone to teach you, or you have the belief that everyone is a good person who always has good intentions. Whatever the reason may be, you do need to understand that there are some people who will invest their time, effort, and money to just check a box. Is that right? Absolutely not. But do people do it all the time? All the time.
So, this needs to be taught so people don’t feel guilty because they fell for a trap that has been set many times. If only they knew the signs that this trap was there, then they wouldn’t be in the situation that they’re in right now. Whether or not you agree with what I’m saying is up to you. Whether you decide to follow my advice is also up to you. But, I will say that the signs are usually always there.
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